Friday, 4 May 2012

Today is one year since I was arrested at the hands of the person closest to me. The past twelve months have been by far the most memorable of my life to date. In my mind, when I go back to the events of that day, all I see is the confusion and fear that surrounded me.

It was a day of firsts. My first time in police custody, my first time I could not walk freely and had a hand holding me. It was my first time that I had to have an escort to go to the bathroom, and the first time I could not close the bathroom door behind me to pee. The first time I had my house searched, and the first time I was officially given a prisoner id.

In the past year, I have had to find strength that I did not even know that I had, and most of the people who were standing with me, are no longer here.

At least four of my friends of ten-plus years, are no more. I never thought I would see the day when my friendship would become their option. Never thought that I would be at this place in my life and not have them by my side.

But, it's okay.

I have prayed in the past twelve months like I never have in my entire life. I have fasted like never before, and forgiven everyone who left me temporarily empty inside.

I have accepted that while this may not have been my just portion, it was necessary to go through this storm. I have embraced the joy of my own company and I am really in a better place and I thank God for that.

I also thank him for the friends who stayed. The ones who understood the true meaning of friendship and loved me through this ordeal. The ones who reminded me that I am a good person and not to let the shortcomings of others keep me from my mission. I thank him for the friendships formed and for the people who have granted me access to their lives despite questionable circumstances.

For years I have asked the Divine to give me his Wisdom, and if you ask me, in the last twelve months he has finally answered. I know who I am, I know whose I am, and a day does not go by in my life anymore where I am not in His presence.

If it took getting arrested to bring me to the place of humility that my life has taken on now, then I would do it again.

My life has forever been changed, and as I mark the first anniversary of this day, I keep reminding myself of the one thing, that the 'perpetrator' always used to say to me .....

"It gets better from here".